Ruminations on Motherhood

Well I made it to my second Mother's day being a mother. This one was definitely better than last year's, in fact I don't even really remember last year as it was lost in a haze of screaming newborn and PPD. Man, I am in such a better place now!! I'd sum up motherhood with one word... exhausting. Yes yes it is rewarding and all of that but the exhaustion really stands out to me. :) This is because I am someone who has always very highly enjoyed sleep and resting. Also, I think this is because I am an old mom and after 37 years of being totally self-centered (hey, everyone is mostly, you know what I mean) it was just such a complete shock to my system to suddenly be responsible for a little tiny screaming human being and never being able to be 'off'.
I am adjusting though. Being a mom has taught me all kinds of lessons and things about myself.
The part about being a mom where I hear 'the days are long but the years are short' man the days are long!!! I told Andy this past weekend may have been the longest weekend in the history of time. Now you know I love my Willbug very much but I feel like we are kind of stuck in a stage right now where there just isn't too much we can do with Will yet. So we end up spending most of our time doing the same things over and over and over and over and over and over... I do not want to wish away time, but cannot help but look forward to the days when he can 1. tell us what he wants (that is going to be very nice), and 2. we can do more things away from the house to entertain him - parks, movies, museums, etc etc I'll be all over taking him places and doing things but it doesn't seem we have that many options yet. Even just being able to play outside without having to constantly take rocks out of his mouth will be nice. Like, oo fun let's play in the baby pool not oo fun let's spend every second on high alert because Will is going to gargle rocks. I know, other moms out there are laughing and thinking 'the high alert never ends you goob!. Just don't tell me that OK. I'd like to think at some point I can let my brain rest even just for a bit.
I'd also like to give major props to all and any stay at home moms out there. I have worked since I got out of college, and sometimes my job can be pretty high stress, but it is NOTHING compared to staying home with a child all day. And never let anyone tell you any different. If your husband is trying to pull the 'but I have to work' crap on you, tell him to call me. I remember when Andy was about to go back to work after Will was born and I heard 'well Andy has to go back to work' I was like are you freaking kidding me? Andy gets to go back to work. Working is a breeze, a sit on the beach, a walk in the park, compared to being home with a kid all day. And this I know just from being on maternity leave for 4 months with 1 child and from weekends which usually leave me ready for work to start back up for a 'break'. It is truly for the best and strongest among us, those who can and choose to stay home with their children.
Does this post sound negative about motherhood? I don't mean for it to be. Just trying to keep it real, y'all. Everyone has been asking me lately if we are going to have more kids. First of all, I can say if we do it will be one more kid, there will be no more than one more kid. :) We don't know yet. Sometimes I think aww a little baby how cute and they can play together and family of 4 and all of that. Then sometimes, usually when I'm at my most exhausted, I think um no way I'm good with one thanks. Let's stick with one. I do realize the clock is ticking which is annoying that it has to factor in but I guess that is just how it is for ladies.
What I love about being a mom - Will is so funny, he makes me laugh every day. I think he is a smart little guy and I can see him thinking about stuff. We ask him questions like 'where is the bat' and you can see his eyes scanning the room until he lands on it. He has the best giggle. He is very ticklish. He loves to play with his balls (that sounds bad). He is scared of swings. Will has taught me to be a more patient person, which is definitely something I needed to work on, and still do. He makes everything seem new and exciting and I can't wait to explore everything with him.
This Sunday at church was Senior day and they had 3 high school seniors on stage honoring them. I don't even know these girls, but of course I was in tears. All I could think of was their moms and how proud they must have been, and how bittersweet it was at the same time. I was already imagining that being Will one day, and I think I would just be in a crying heap in the pew and Andy will have to help me out and Will will be so embarrassed. Being a mom has definitely made me more weepy than I used to be.
And man it really makes you a more empathetic person doesn't it? It really made me realize you never know what is going on behind the scenes with someone or what someone may be going through, so cut them some slack already and quit being a douche.
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Andy got me some tennis shoes I wanted for Mother's day, how cute are these?

I also got a pretty plant for our back porch -

Here is a picture of Will enjoying (destroying) some tortilla chips at dinner this weekend -

Yes we are those people now whose kid leaves behind messes at restaurants.